Toilet training tips

This page on toilet training tips is divided into three steps. Step 1 gives you some general advice on preparing to begin toilet training. Step 2 talks you through some things to remember when you start toilet training. Step 3 looks at some of the common difficulties parents have when toilet training.

Step 1: Preparation

Consider a good time to start toileting​

  • For children​, make sure there is no big change coming up, like starting pre-school or primary school​.
  • For parents, allow enough time for the toilet-training. It may be helpful to begin over annual leave or holidays. Commitment and consistency are key. This is a long process. Think of it as a marathon, not a sprint. 

Start documenting your child’s urination and bowel habits​

  • Keep a toileting diary or chart​.
  • Keep note of when your child has done a pee or poo in their nappy.

Start introducing the potty or toilet to your child using:​

See here for examples of a social script, visual schedule, visual aid, and social story from the ERIC website (Children's Bowel and Bladder Charity)

Involve your child, so they can:

  • Pick out their new underwear​
  • Choose a potty with their favourite colour​
  • Add fun stickers to their potty
  • Use a social story involving the child​
  • Include your child’s interests or what they are motivated by. 

Get yourself set up well ​

  • Your child’s clothes​: an elasticated waist or loose-fitting trousers which are easy to pull up and down​
  • Equipment​: Decide whether you are using a potty or the toilet. Consider a transportable option that you can bring with you (for example, if visiting relatives or going to the shopping centre). If using a potty, the potty is required. If using the toilet, you may need a toileting insert or step. It is important for the child to have good toileting posture (for example, their feet supported and hips above their knees) as this helps with relaxing their body and makes going to the toilet easier (especially poos). 
  • Location​: The potty is ideally kept in the bathroom, as children learn by association​ (bathroom = wee or poo)​. Place items needed within reach​ (for example, toilet roll; see also our calm environment section below)​.
  • Have plenty of spare clothing options available, there will be accidents.
  • Keep the visuals near the child. See these examples below from the NHS Greater Glasgow and Clyde website.
  • Involve other important people in the process (for example, grandparents, school staff, childminder), and agree on a plan together.

 

Step 2: Starting the process

Take off the nappy and use underwear

Avoid pull-ups, if possible​. A common issue is that a child wears underwear during the day and switches to pull-ups or nappies at night or for school. This is confusing for the young person. It may be helpful to have incontinence sheets in bed or a car seat.​

Create a typical daily routine to take your child to the bathroom

Look at the toileting diary or chart you created. Usual times would be: ​

  • when waking up​
  • before and after naptime​
  • before and after a new activity​
  • after a meal​
  • before leaving the house​
  • before bedtime.

Ensure a calm environment

The key is to relax and not distract the child. Consider the following:​ 

  • Singing potty songs (for example, sitting on the potty)​
  • Toileting books​
  • Visuals​ (see example below)
  • Rewards Chart ​
  • Blow bubbles or have a tap on in the background​
  • Toilet toys​ (keep all toilet toys in the bathroom so child can develop an association between them and going to the toilet).
  • Are they in a good position? Are their feet supported and hips above their knees?​

  A visual setting out steps for going to the toilet.

Source: Autism Little Learners (Home - Autism Little Learners), from their Free Toileting Sequence

 

Toileting needs to be a positive experience:

Praise and rewards are helpful. Think of what would work best with your child.

  • If using a Star chart​, introduce it only when you have a routine established.
  • Make sure the reward caters for child (for example, entering the bathroom may be enough for a star)​. You may need to try a variety of rewards to find the one your child best responds to. Keep rewards specific to the task and to the child. Rewards should be given immediately with positive specific feedback​ (for example,  ‘great sitting on the toilet' and smiling).
  • If your child struggles with following toileting steps, it might be helpful to focus on rewarding one achievement at a time, for example, when they complete step 1 correctly and consistently. You can then add in the following steps to the reward chart over time.
  • Consider before implementing a reward chart what your reward will be (for example, going to a toy shop after toileting would not be sustainable, maybe give time to completing an interest or something fun).  

An example of a reward chart

Toileting reward chart showing toileting steps and days of the week.

Accidents happen:

  • Keep a calm tone in your voice, for example, ‘let’s try again’​. Keep language minimal​.
  • Clean the child in the bathroom with minimum of fuss. ​It is useful to have an ‘accident pack’ containing new underwear, wipes, rubbish bag, to hand. ​
  • Get the child to help mam or dad to bring soiled/ wet clothes to the washing machine.

 

 

 Step 3: Common difficulties your child may have when toilet training

Common difficulties 

   What can help
Difficulty with understanding the steps of toileting ​
  • Simplify your language, for example, say: ‘Time for potty’ v’s ‘Do you need to use the potty now?’​
  • Visual schedule to help with predictability (to know what’s coming next) and remembering the steps.
Difficulty with verbally letting you know when they need to go
  • Pay attention to your child’s gestures or body language (for example, rubbing their tummy, becoming upset, leading you to the toilet, rubbing their bum).​
  • Model language if you see a gesture (for example, pulling at their underwear, say ‘time to go potty’)​.
Difficulty with reaching back to wipe after doing a poo
  • Bottom wiping: See this NHS information sheet for examples of bum wiping games and activities 
  • Use the long mirror in bathroom to self-check​.
  • Backward chaining​
    • The adult starts the task and the child finishes off the very last part. To teach the child to wipe their bottom after using the toilet, the adult would do most of the wiping and the child would complete the last, “check it’s clean” wipe themselves.
  • Gradually encourage the child to start earlier and do more of the task as they get better at it.
Difficulty with hand dexterity and hand strength to flush the toilet and/or manage their clothes (pull back up their underwear and pants)
  • Use hand-over-hand assistance and slowly move to verbal prompting over time.
    • Hand-over-hand assistance is where the adult places his or her hand on the child’s hand to guide them in completing a task. It is often used for teaching children how to acquire a skill, such as self-care skills, like holding a toothbrush or, in this case, toileting. The goal of hand-over-hand assistance is to fade it out as the child develops a better grasp on the skill. 
Unable to coordinate both hands to manage clothing and hand wash.
  • Use hand-over-hand assistance and slowly move to verbal prompting over time.
  • Outside of toileting time, consider playing games or completing activities with your child that involve using two hands (for example, throwing and catching a ball; clapping in time to music; using scissors; holding onto a swing).
Doesn’t like the noise of the flush
  • Don’t force the child to stay in the room when flushing​.
  • Shut the lid to reduce the noise of the flush.​
  • Let them stand just outside the door while you flush and gradually get them to stand closer until they can do the flush. ​
  • Show the workings of the toilet so they can understand what is making the noise​.
  • Use ear plugs or ear defenders to block the noise of the flushing. This would be helpful in public. ​

Likes the noise of the flush too much

  • Physically cover toilet handle to remove it from sight.
  • Give them something else to hold and manipulate. ​
  • Use a visual sequence to show when to flush (after replacing clothing, for example).
  • When it’s time to flush, give your child a sticker that matches to a sticker on the toilet handle​, as a visual prompt that they are now allowed to flush the toilet.
  • Most toilets have an easy to turn valve under the toilet tank which can be used to turn off water supply in extreme situations.

Doesn’t like the sensation of the toilet paper

  • Try alternatives for example, a wet sponge or wet wipes and then toilet paper to dry.​
  • Use labelling language when doing this such as the ‘wet wipe is wet’; ‘toilet paper is dry’.

Doesn’t like the strong smells in the bathroom 

Doesn’t like the sensation of poo

  • Use rubber gloves for wiping​.
  • Consider messy play activities – sand; water; finger painting etc.​
  • Social stories or videos that can tell the child how poo is made and what to do if I have a poo​​. This promotes an understanding of the body and they have a plan for how it can be removed:
    • Labelling or modelling intereoceptive awareness*, for example, what is ‘hot/ cold’; feeling thirsty; or 'Mummy has a scratchy throat, it’s hard to talk'. In the case of toileting that might be:
      • For the child: if they are pulling at their underwear: ‘does ​poo need to go into the toilet?”’
      • For the parent​: ‘When mummy needs to use the toilet, her tummy feels tight, mummy needs to push”’.
  • External strategies​, to help the child know that the feeling of poo has an end point, such as:
    • Alarms​
    • Routines (for example, we sit on toilet first, then football).

*Intereoceptive awareness = intereoception is our eighth sense. It is the sense we have of the physical signals we get from our body, for example, feelings of hunger, thirst, thirst, body temperature, and digestion. Intereoceptive awareness is our understanding  of those internal workings within our own bodies. 

See our page on Sensory Processing to learn more about our eight senses. 

May be going to the toilet in inappropriate spaces ​

Becoming very distressed and anxious when needing to toilet​ (toileting anxiety)

  • Use of a visual schedule: routine and predictability can help reduce anxiety​.
  • Consider the sensory environment, removing unpleasant items for your child.​
  • Use of rewards.
  • Social story about what happens in the toilet (for example, wee and poo).

Not going to the toilet in school/ public spaces​ (holding)

For seating, knees are higher than your hips, you lean forward with your elbows on your knees.

Source: NHS

Wanting the sensation of wee or poo in their nappy or pants as it gives increased tactile experience

  • Look at options to increase their tactile (touch) sensory input in other ways, for example wearing tightly fitting clothing or fiddle toys.

Wanting the sensation of wearing a nappy (as it may be providing deep pressure).

  • Allow the child to wear tight fitting pants, leggings or shorts.
  • Provide deep pressure in other ways, for example, massage or tight clothing
  • Gradually reduce the tightness of the nappy as the child gets more confident.
  • They may want the sensation of the nappy but may not understand why it is being taken off. If so, a social story would be helpful.

 

Further information

 

Page last reviewed: 20 August 2025

Next review due: 20 August 2026