Neurodiverse Communication

This page explains the different communication styles used by neurodivergent children and young people.

What is neurodiversity?

  • Neurodiversity refers to natural differences in the way our brains work. 
  • It recognises that different types of brains think and process information in different ways.
  • Examples of neurodivergent conditions include autism, ADHD, intellectual disability, dyslexia, dyscalculia, down syndrome, and cerebral palsy.
  • Most people are known as ‘neurotypical’. This means their brain generally functions and processes information in the way society expects.

Different types of language used in communication

We use the following types of language when communicating with each other.

  • Receptive language refers to a child’s ability to understand language and words in nonverbal, verbal, and written formats. Receptive language skills help children play, learn, and engage in everyday activities by responding to requests and following instructions. For example, when you say, 'Sit on the chair' or 'Go outside and play', a child relies on receptive language skills to listen and follow instructions.
  • Expressive Language is our ability to communicate our thoughts and feelings through words, gestures, signs, and/or symbols. It can be as simple as pointing to a desired object or as complex as writing a book about an area of interest.
  • Pragmatic Language is the use of appropriate communication in social situations (knowing what to say, how to say it, and when to say it).

Supporting receptive and expressive language in neurodivergent children

  • Approximately, 50% of neurodivergent children may have difficulties with receptive and/or expressive language.
  • Verbal processing times tend to be increased, even in those with a good understanding of language.
    • Verbal processing time is the time it takes to hear, understand, and respond to something.
  • Often verbal language skills can mask (or hide) difficulties with understanding and using non-verbal communication, for example in body language.
  • There is a tendency for neurodivergent children to take a literal understanding of language.
  • Even those with fluent language may struggle to communicate verbally during times of stress or dysregulation.
    • Dysregulation means they have difficulty regulating their emotions in the situation and may not have an appropriate emotive response to the situation they are in.
  • They may have difficulties understanding and responding to open-ended questions, which require more detail than a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer.

The ‘Double Empathy’ Problem

This theory was first developed by Dr Damien Milton, an autistic autism researcher. The theory of the double empathy problem suggests that when people with very different experiences of the world interact with one another, they will struggle to empathise with each other. In other words, they will struggle to understand and share the feelings of the other person. This is likely to be made worse through differences in language use and comprehension. 

For example, neurotypical people may struggle to read the emotions of neurodivergent people and, as a result, form negative first impressions of neurodivergent people. 

According to the double empathy problem, empathy is a two-way process that depends a lot on our ways of doing things and our expectations from previous social experiences, which can be very different for neurodivergent and neurotypical people.

These differences can lead to a breakdown in communication that can be distressing for both neurodivergent and neurotypical people.

It might sometimes be difficult for neurotypical parents to understand what their neurodivergent child is feeling, or neurodivergent people might feel frustrated when they cannot effectively communicate their thoughts and feelings to neurotypical people.

In this way, communication barriers between neurodivergent and neurotypical people can make it more difficult for them to connect, share experiences, and empathise with one another.

In this scenario, the following might be the case:

The Neurodivergent Person may:

  • Struggle to communicate with neurotypical people
  • Socialise and interact well with neurodivergent people
  • Have difficulty 'reading between the lines'
  • Feel socially isolated in neurotypical settings
  • Feel pressure to mask or pass as neurotypical

The Neurotypical Person may:

  • Misinterpret neurodivergent communication styles
  • Have successful interactions with neurotypical people
  • Struggle to understand and recognise neurodivergence
  • Struggle to form positive first impressions with neurodivergent people
  • Assume neurodivergent people lack social skills
  • Benefit from a society that rewards neurotypical social skills.

Masking

  • Masking is a strategy used by some neurodivergent people, consciously or unconsciously, to appear neurotypical.This is when children put effort into performing to appear 'normal' (or neurotypical).
  • Pretending to be someone else or something you are not can take up a lot of emotional and physical energy.
  • Some neurodivergent children learn to mask without even realising. They are noticed for neurodivergent behaviours, such as stimming, talking about special interests, not making eye contact etc. So, then they naturally try to suppress them to stop the criticism or comments.
  • The problem is that the longer the child masks their natural neurodivergent self, the more stressful it becomes. It is one of the reasons why teachers may not notice any problems in school but when the child comes home it is too much on them and they end up mentally exhausted and overwhelmed, perhaps exploding with rage or tears or withdrawing.
  • It is more likely to occur if they do not have a diagnosis, if they do not understand neurodivergence, or if they are not aware of their diagnosis, as they do not understand why they may behave in a certain way or why they have needs different to their peers.

 

Neurodivergent Communication Styles

Below are ways that neurodivergent people might communicate.

Echolalia

Echolalia is where a child repeats words, sounds or phrases they’ve heard. It is part of child development. As children learn to talk and understand words, they imitate, copy, or echo the sounds and words they hear. Usually by the age of three, a child has learned to connect new words together to make up their own sentences, rather than using echolalia.

Echolalia is common in neurodivergent children further into childhood. As echolalic children get older, their echolalia can be used with increasing flexibility and leads to more efficiency in their communication.

Literal

Literal communication is often associated with neurodivergent people. It refers to a communication style where the person prefers concrete, factual, and direct interpretations of language and information. Ambiguous and vague messages are more likely to be misinterpreted or cause confusion or anxiety.

Open ended questions, such as, 'how was your day' can be tricky for literal communicators. Try asking yes or no or 'WH' questions (who, what, where, when or why) instead, for example, 'where did you go?'

Proximity

Sensory processing differences change the way neurodivergent people move, use body posture, or how close they like to be in an interaction with another.

They may need to lean in to process what the person is saying, lean in or on something to feel grounded, or to seek distance during heightened anxiety.

Direct

Many neurodivergent people say what they mean. Direct communicators are often mislabeled as rude or blunt instead of being straightforward.

Trying to talk in indirect or 'fluffy' language to avoid being misinterpreted as rude drains a neurodivergent person’s physical energy. It also drains on their cognitive capacity, which is the total amount of information the brain can retain at any particular moment.

Efficiency in use of words reduces the demands on a neurodivergent person's executive functioning.  Neurodivergent people may struggle with executive function, which can make it difficult to complete tasks, manage time and stay organised. The phrase 'executive function' refers to the set of skills which allow us to plan ahead and meet goals, display self-control, follow multiple-step directions and stay focused despite distractions, among others.

Language Processing

Language processing and/or attention differences can lead to difficulties with finding words, with organisation, and with sequencing events.

Verbal interactions may lead to being overwhelmed and difficulties for the person to express themselves fully using language.

Info dumping

This is an authentic neurodivergent conversation style. The person verbally 'downloads' in great detail about a topic.

This is a great way of building connections, making friends, and sharing knowledge. This can also feel exhilarating and can serve as a form of self-regulation.

This style of communication can be mislabelled as interrupting, dominating, monologuing and showing a lack of reciprocity by those who only value neurotypical conversation.

Longer Conversational Turns

Neurodivergent people converse best when their monotropic processing is engaged, establishing a flow in prolonged conversation.

Monotropic processing is where a person has a strong focus or a hyper-focus on a small number of things at a time. This is different from polytropic processing where a person can spread their attention between several or many things at the one time. 

Neurotypical people have polytropic brains and can focus on multiple things at a time. Neurodivergent people often have monotropic brains so they have a tendency to focus their attention on a small number of interests at any time, tending to miss things outside of this attention tunnel.

Taking longer turns saves cognitive, physical, sensory and emotional labour during interactions for a neurodivergent person.

Neurodivergent people value worthwhile, personal, interesting, and emotive conversations as opposed to inconsequential small talk.

Eye contact

Eye contact can be anxiety-inducing and intense for a neurodivergent person due to sensory processing differences and over activation in parts of the brain. This is not experienced by neurotypical people.

Reduced levels of eye contact are misunderstood as rudeness or lack of interest. Eye contact is easier when interacting with people where there is a sense of emotional safety.

Parallel Interaction Style

Neurodivergent children’s play may involve lining, moving, and arranging toys with less back and forth interaction with those sharing the same space and/or materials.

Parallel play is an intimate way of connecting while doing something interesting and enjoyable. There may be more silence.

Older children and adults connect in parallel doing the same or different activities in the same space.

Understanding Neurodivergent Communication

It’s not: rude, mean, blunt or angry.

It’s: straightforward, direct, factual and literal.

You may be misinterpreting an neurodivergent person because of their communication style.

Videos

Enable Ireland has created this six-part series on Neurodiversity. You can also access this full playlist here. 

When the video you're watching starts playing, if you are on a desktop, click the "CC" icon at the bottom of the video. This will turn on the closed captions (subtitles). If you are on a mobile device, then at the top of the video, tap "CC" to enable closed captions. To disable the closed captions, tap the "CC" icon again.  Watch the video on its YouTube channel to see the transcript.

 
 
 
 
 
 

Further information